Dealing With Loved Ones

I would like to talk about dealing with your loved ones in understanding your restrictions due to having Gastroparesis.  It can sometimes be difficult for them to understand what you can and cannot tolerate.  Hell it's hard for me to understand some days what I can and can't tolerate and sometimes what I can tolerate today I may not be able to tolerate tomorrow.  This adds to the frustration of understanding all this.  For example, every once in a while I can tolerate a little bit of vanilla ice cream but if I'm already feeling a little sick then ice cream would do me in. 

I recently started a new relationship with someone who loves to cook and wants to cook for me.  The other night he surprised me with stuffed baked chicken, fettuccine alfredo, dinner rolls and in case I didn't like the fettuccine alfredo he made noodles in a cheese sauce.  He was so proud of the dinner he had made that I ate a little of each so I wouldn't disappoint him.  I knew better, but I ate it anyway, and it was delicious!  But oh my, did I pay for it for the next couple of days.  I can eat chicken if I take a digestive enzyme with it, but I do better with the no antibiotic, no added hormones, 100% vegetarian diet, raised cage free chicken.  I really like Kroger's Simple Truth Natural Chicken Breast Tenders.  The stuffing was not a good idea because of the onion and celery pieces in it.  Onions really tear me up; I have a really hard time with them.  I can't do pasta much at all.  I can eat egg noodles in small amounts but most pasta just swells up in my stomach.  The dinner rolls were really good and I can eat those without a problem.  So after indulging in this food that I knew better than to eat, I was SO sick the following day. I was just absolutely miserable with severe nausea.  Then he felt horrible that I was so sick.  Shame on me for not just saying up front, thank you but I can't eat that.  So now I am going to make a list of foods that I know I can tolerate and another list of what I know I can't tolerate.  Then maybe he can use my lists to come with some new recipes with foods that I can eat.  It is important to be open about what you can eat and what you can't.  It will save a lot of unnecessary hurt feelings.  Along with my lists I am going to give him a couple of Crystal Saltrelli's recipe books (check out http://livingwithgastroparesis.com/).  He can use his skills in the kitchen to make some of the recipes I haven't tried yet.  I didn't want to hurt his feelings by not eating the delicious meal he had prepared but instead I ended up very sick and his feelings were hurt anyway.  As hard as it may be at times it is important to be honest with yourself and your loved ones about what you can eat and what you can't.  Your loved ones have good intentions and they are not trying to make you sick.  This is why it is so important to just be upfront and honest about what you can actually eat.

I deal with the same kind of issues with co-workers.  It is very hard for someone who doesn't have to deal with all the restrictions to understand just how restricting a Gastroparesis friendly diet can be.  For example, recently our local Soup Kitchen held its annual Potato Soup sale.  A co-worker that had bought some offered to share it with me.  I just smiled, thanked her for the offer and said no thank you.  This potato soup is delicious, I've had it in the past and it is loaded with ingredients including onions and bacon.  I can eat potato soup if I make it myself using lactose free milk and unfortunately no onions or bacon.  Many times we will have a pot luck style luncheon at work which I usually choose not to participate in.  It is easier for me to not take part than to try to explain a hundred times why I can't try the dish someone has brought.  And of course there is always the "just try a little bit".  They just don't understand how that "little bit" will affect me.  I'm not saying that you can't take part in that sort of get together; I just feel that it is easier for me to not take part.  You could always bring a dish that you know is GP friendly so that you have something to eat.  That way you can still feel as if you are a part of the luncheon.  The same goes for other social gatherings involving food.  You could either take a dish that you know you can eat or if you are close with the Hostess you could discuss some GP friendly dishes with the Hostess that he/she may want to have for you. 

Then of course there is the added factor that most "healthy" foods are just not GP friendly the way they are typically prepared.  For example veggies are often only tolerated by GPers if they are juiced or pureed.  That means no fresh salads or fresh veggies from veggie trays.  People generally have a hard time understanding how food that is basically good for you can wreak havoc on a person with GP.  When I choose to eat a dinner roll or crackers and forego the "healthy" food people look at me strangely because they just don't understand how sick the "healthy" foods will make me.  It's not that I don't want to eat them, I truly miss being able to eat salads.  I love to garden and grow fresh veggies.  However, I have had to change what I grow in my garden.  I used to do the typical salad garden or salsa/tomato sauce garden.  Now I focus more on root veggies and herbs to use with cooking or making fresh stock. 

When dealing with friends and loved ones, just try to be patient and realize that they are not dealing with this like you are.  Remember how hard it is for you to understand it at times and realize that it is even that much more complicated for them to understand.  The ability to eat food is something most of us take for granted.  Prior to having Gastroparesis I never even considered the possibility that one day I would not be able to eat food normally.  At times I still struggle with the fact that right now, in the present I have Gastroparesis.  I can only hope that someday I will not, but for right now I do, and in order to live well with it I have to acknowledge and accept that I have to eat my foods differently so that I am not sick.  I have Gastroparesis but Gastroparesis does not have me!